Trying my first Tri

As a group of sisters and nieces we signed up for a triathlon months ago. It has become somewhat of a tradition in my family, but this would be my first year participating.

After some spotty training, and a debate on whether or not to even go, I end up out of state ready for my first Sprint Triathlon. Late night giggles with the girls aren't exactly helping the energy levels, but we're off

It was wall to wall tires and bikes in my van.

We arrive with bikes and find our transition areas. Some sweet competitor helped me by moving her bike and making me space on the set up area. God bless you, whomever you are.

The swim leg was first, we had to swim 1/4 a mile in the fresh water.

We splashed and swam before hand to get used to the water and clam our nerves

(not sure if helped, but it was fun)

I was super jittery and super scared. I love to swim, but the warnings of flying limbs and splashing waters had me slightly terrified.

I was going to start with a sister, but seeing the way the time chips worked (age groups noted by swim cap color) I started on my own for an accurate time.

The swimming was chaotic, and I just kept thinking to myself "just get out of the clump"

which I did. My goggles fogged up, and I almost swam into a volunteers rescue canoe,

but other than that no problem. I could barely walk when I got out of the water.

I heeded my sister's advice and did not let myself sit down as I slipped on my shoes and grabbed my bike from the transition area. I ran out, hopping on my bike, thinking,

"just get going..." I was shaky and tired already. 10 miles of this???

After a few miles on the bike I started to deflate.

My body was jello and the sun was so hot, and my bike felt like it weighed a ton.

I could barely pedal. I actually started to cry- why didn't I train better? Why did I sign up for this stupid thing? I am terrible on a bike! I am riding a hybrid- it is so slow!!!! I wanted to stop.

I will confess, I muttered a few cuss words at this point.

After a few more minutes I remembered my Sports Beans (thank you caffeine boost) and dumped the bag in my mouth.

A well trained biker slowed by side and said- "Hey, you're doing good".

I snorted and asked, "how far are we???" She told me we were half way- 5 more miles, but warned me, "there are some big hills coming up, so hang in there. They say it's a flat course..." as she pedaled off she finished over her shoulder "But they lie...!"

At least I was warned.

I finished it out and got my head back together, hopping off the bike and setting off for the run.

Let's get these 3 miles done.

What's this??? Everyone is walking. They are tired too!

Their legs are marked with their age on their calf, and I start counting the ages as I shuffle past them. The run feels so comforting, all my half marathon training kicking into gear.

36. 24. 44. I pass all ages.

A few women in their 50's whiz past me. I keep going.

Finally I finish, strong and happy. (surprisingly it was 2nd best time ever for 3 miles)

We start taking photos and my sister surprises us with hand stamped necklaces she made.

I am hungry, I didn't eat much before the race...I start to falter. When times are posted I burst into tears. I am not sure what time would have made me happy in that exhausted state, but what I had wasn't enough (1 hour 30 minutes).

I actually cried the whole way to the restaurant.

I was so embarrassed and even more worn out. (Should have had chocolate and Coke at the finish line).

(Nothing like a loving sister close by with her iPhone to snap a picture,

reassuring me I would want it later)

The restaurant almost made it worse by not serving any Diet Coke...

But, as the chips and salsa (and Cherry Diet Pepsi) hit my system a miracle happened.

I start to feel euphoric.

I start to feel relief. I start to feel giddy.

I am a 40 year old non-athlete who just did her first triathlon, surrounded by sisters and a niece who all pushed themselves, too.

I DID A TRIATHLON!

When can I do my next one?

Mini Disaster

I guess you can call it a disaster.

I hate to do it, because it could have been so much worse, but it still shook me up pretty good.

We had a pipe burst in our basement.

This was my pride and joy just a few days ago

My very own crafting corner.

It was my sanctuary filled with all my favorite treasures

and goodies acquired in trades.

I was so happy about my space!

This is how my space looked when I got called home from the water park yesterday

(thank heavens a thousand times over my son stayed home and was here when it happened)

my drawers, my jars, my baskets and totes, all filled with water

I panicked, no doubt about it.

The pictures are so random because I was sobbing as I took them.

Hubby is out of town this week and I had no idea how I was going to conquer an entire basement of sopping wet boxes and books and supplies.

I didn't realize my sisters were on their way, and they took control of the situation and started setting things out to dry immediately.

I thought it was mostly my crafting goods, but everything was soaked in our entire basement. As we started emptying boxes we found the harsh truth....pictures. Lots of pictures. And numerous scrapbooks from my wedding and first years of marriage, my first baby being born.... I was losing it. My sisters stayed focus and set to rescuing it all.

We hung pages and laid pictures out carefully...a neighbor stopped by to see what was happening and bless her heart,she shed tears with me as we pulled my husband's photos from his mission he served over 20 years ago out of a sopping wet album.

Even sealed bags and containers were filled with water

These photos do not have digital copies, and I really had no idea they were stashed away with my craft supplies. It broke my heart to see them laying out as the sun started to go down, hours after we started the process.

In the garage things sat over night trying to dry out and wait for me to make sense of what can be saved.

Another thing that upset me was to see so many of my books ruined. They were like sponges, swollen and sopping, and just fell apart when you tried to move them. My favorite, marked up, well loved copy of Atlas Shrugged completely fell apart today when I tried to open it.

I am not sure if my crying is symbolic, therapeutic or even normal anymore....

I just keep losing it.

In case you wonder what a girl like me looks like on the morning after a day like yesterday wonder no more.

Bags under the eyes, greasy hair, blotchy skin....it is my badge of honor today.

And even though we lost a few precious things

(this bubbled picture is one of the few baby pics I have of my husband)

We saved hundreds and hundreds pictures and pages all together.

Today I pulled my 'baby blanket' out of a wet box I hadn't got to yet...I am so relieved with all the important things we have found just in time.

I can't complain in spite of the sadness. We are so blessed, we have so much... my heart actually aches for people who lose everything....EVERYTHING to a natural disaster.

My sisters and my kids and my neighbor made what would have taken me days take only hours to salvage and sort. I am so grateful to them for their help.

I hope I am blessed to remember this moment and help others more in the future.

Even standing beside someone or saving one thing for them is a gift.

I believe we will need it more in the days to come.

I hope others may blessed as I was in my time of panic and need.

Weekend Finds

So, you know I was falling flat for spirit and inspiration last week. I even declared myself officially grumpy and pouted on the couch. I am not sure why. These things do happen.

But, on mommy's day out, I found some great finds that reminded me of the simple things in life

First a stop at the bakery

That lovely heart sugar cookie you see is now probably stuck somewhere between my intestines and my thighs, but it was delicious.

Then surprising find of vintage inspired Valentines

These are made by Punch Studio, and I found them at Barnes and Noble after browsing through all the Somerset Magazines. Is it just me, or is $6.95 for a box of 24 an incredibly great deal? I was a little giddy over that- but after working with my other materials I have for the Valentine swap they aren't quite right. I will hold on to them for the future.

I browsed the aisles of our local thrift store. looking for some fun mismatched china ware. At the local antique store a saucer and tea cup can run $8-$15, and I just don't want to pay that much. I noticed a man with a full cart of various goodies, rummaging the shelves and looking at labels with a magnifying glass. In spite of this "professional" I still scored some great things.

I started stacking these pretties in my cart, not yet sure if I would buy them all or not, when suddenly a woman came up to me, just raving about the plates I found, and how she used to have similar dishes, and she couldn't believe they were just on the general shelf of dishes. That caught the magnifying glass man's attention, and he, too, peered into my cart, and said. "Wow, you have some great finds".

At that point, I decided I would just buy everything I had in the cart (at 50 cents to a buck an item, why not?) and felt pretty happy (although I am not sure why). I must admit, I left them in the car until hubby left for work. He is not the biggest fan of second-hand stores. (if you are reading this i love you babe and love me for who i am)

Now I have a few more pretty pieces to mix and match with my china for our Valentines Brunch Book Club. I love a reason to host!

On the fashion front, this weekend I am drooling all over this Spring line by Chanel. I don't live a life where I would parade around in these beautiful garments, but if I did, I may show up to the next party in this

I got the new Style.com app on my iPad and so I now sit and browse the fashion shows whenever I have a minute. It is a great app, if you're into that kind of thing. Perhaps I can beg the dentist to turn up the happy gas and dream myself in the fashion world today while I get my root canal finished.

Wish me luck

and live beautifully today

Why sad days scare me

My sweet little-gotta go- excuse to visit- reason to buy books- highlight the pages book club just finished The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.

I was shocked to hear that most of my little group couldn't relate at all to Esther's plight. I , on the other hand, was the only crazy in the room that TOTALLY got it. I have been Esther, way too many times in my life.

I was a brooding teen, depressed and low in self confidence, yet I managed to still have a blast with the right people. I struggled off and on with depression, complete with crying spells, over eating for comfort, and chopping off of hair in an effort to feel beautiful.

After the birth of my 3rd child, it hit full force. I was stuck in a foul-aired bell jar and I couldn't breathe. I didn't want to get up, clean, cook, or live. I often loaded my kids in the car and drove in circles, crying the whole time. I contemplated pulling 'a Marie Osmond' and driving away by myself. All I needed was my VISA and a pair of shoes....most days finding that much was an effort. I did stupid things, I was a horrible wife, and I just pretended to be a normal woman. It was the most horrible, darkest, loneliest time ever.

I won't go into details here, but suffice it to say, I did not value life. A summer on anti-depressants stopped the crying fit that had lasted days, but left me feeling hollow and robotic. After 4 months I went off it, never to look back.

I have learned a lot since then, and never been quite in the place I was at my lowest years, but bad days still scare me, especially if I have more than a few in a row. I can't help but worry- what if I start crying and can't stop? What if my children literally cause me to snap? What if ? What if?

On a good day, these thoughts make me laugh, roll my eyes, even admit how silly I can be, but on a bad day, they are more real than anything I know. So while I have had a little spell of bad days creeping around me lately I rely on what works for me now. Running to pounding music. Prayer and Temple visits. Massage and yoga. A treat by myself. A good book. A long, long nap. Taking vitamin B complex and St John's Wort, A weekend with my husband. He doesn't understand why I can't just 'shake it off' on these days, but he is very patient with them.

I guess part of this post is confession for why I have not blogged as much lately. Looking at the computer causes me to feel overwhelmed and anxious.

But today is a good day. Life is good. And to anyone who isn't feeling up let me just say..
I have been there.

PS- Kendra won my chocolate! Hope it brings a smile!

Some days I hate it here

I am being totally honest.

Some days I see the stained glass windows, the tall ceilings, the sloped roof, and I sigh with a happy heart. My house feels like a cottage, and we seriously love spending time together here.

Other days, all I see are the cracks in the walls, the not so level floors, the old linoleum and the lack of storage.
Some days it smells musty and old. The walls are thick and I can't hang up a picture. The carpet, although redone, feels old.
My kitchen is more like a Smithsonian display of 70's hideousness than a workspace.

Some days I curse it, and even cry.

It is the day of upgrading. Friends and family alike, moving into new (great priced) homes with a pantry in the kitchen and real live mudroom. It is the age of big homes, beautifully painted and decorated with stone and stucco in yummy warm colors. It is the day of a great room and cold storage....
none of which I have.

I am sorry sweetie, that some days I don't appreciate it.
I know we are over indulged and many people live beyond their means.
I know that in just 24 months we will not even have a house payment. (I can't wait)

I know that we would not be different, happier, more content just because we change locations.

I know it is never good to compare and compete.
I know we are blessed.

I know we are better than we deserve.

But just some days....
I want more.

Am I bad because of that?