How Your Assumptions About Medication Hurt Us All

I am not sure how it has happened, but somewhere along the line of today's views of medication, the world of mental illness has taken a hit.  I have wondered if I missed the boat on this, if sometime back meds were different and had a reason to feared, or worse, hated.  For some reason I always believed myself that medication was 'bad'.  I don't know how that was ingrained into my psyche or if it was taught, or just assumed, but it seems like medication for a mental need is treated much differently than the rest of the body.

Have you ever rolled your eyes at someone who needed medication for their cancer?  Have you ever wondered if someone was 'faking it' for attention if they needed medication for their heart? Or did you tell someone with diabetes to 'think positive' and skip the insulin? Of course not! But these are reactions that happen all the time in the field of mental health, and these reactions are hurting all of us.

Let me clear a few things up, because I have battled depression for close to 30 years, and some years were harder than others, some episodes simply didn't clear until I relied on my doctor and medication.  In fact, I am sure it has saved my life a number of times.

Anti-depressants are not 'uppers'.
I am not a doctor so I am not going to go into the explanations  (you can Google it when you are done here), but there is something physically different in the brain of someone with mental illness. It can be serotonin uptake or a problem with neurotransmitters or maybe something else, but it is REAL and it usually doesn't just go away.  In fact, one person I talked to who works for a pharmaceutical testing company told me anti-depressants won't help you if you are not struggling with some of these issues in the brain. So if you are sad after a death taking an anti-depressant most likely will not help you. However, if you do take an anti-depressant and you notice things looking better for you, chances are your brain physically had something going on. It's not like speed and it doesn't make you weird. Let's get that notion cleared up.

Anti-depressants do not make you void of emotions.
Someone close to me once said they were afraid if they went on medication they wouldn't have spiritual experiences any more.  I have heard people say they were afraid they wouldn't be able to feel anything if they went on a med.  Some people start meds and are shocked to learn they still have bad days and feel a little depressed occasionally. All of these ideas are misconceptions society has picked up along the way.

 Your soul is still in tact, your heart still beats, you still get excited and disappointed. Sure, it may not be a disappointment to the extreme (like a depressed person might be used to) but bad days can still happen.  In my life I still feel like ME- just a better, less-reactionary me.  I can observe my worthless feeling and let it go, reminding myself of the good around me.  I can have a thought of death enter my mind and SEE IT, and have the mental power to deal with it in a healthy way.  I cry if I'm sad.  I laugh when I am happy.  I feel things every day.

Staying on medication is not a sign of weakness. 
This one I wish I could shout from the rooftops: "If you need medication, stay on it!"  Too many people take their medication and 'feel okay', and tell themselves "I can go off this now".  I have felt the shame in admitting I take a medication, and I have had times when I didn't speak up when someone else was bad mouthing prescriptions around me. (Keep in mind, I am in the field of alternative healing, so I hear this all time.) I feel like I am aware of this general feeling that medication for depression, anxiety, ADHD and the likes has become a dirty secret, and because of that parents want to pull their kids off the first chance  they get, and adults want to stop taking their prescription at first sign of normalcy so they can quietly slip back into the world of the healthy, non-medicated society. This assumption is probably the most dangerous of them all.

 First of all, there is a reason you started medication and a reason it worked. There is a physical need here, and because of our shortsightedness we forget that.  If you are in this situation please reflect on what urged you to actively treat your illness, and honor that.

Secondly, pulling yourself off meds is risky and dangerous.  More risky and dangerous than people are willing to talk about (and they should be talking about it more).  It should be treated as seriously as the heart, diabetic, or blood pressure medication. Please, please, please, don't just go off  'cold turkey' and wreak that havoc on your brain. It can cause chemical changes, relapses in extreme thoughts, and even withdrawal symptoms that affect the brain.  Again, I am not going into the science of it, but it is real. I am in awe of how embarrassed people are in regards to medication for mental illness. The need to hurry and be done with it is palpable. I don't understand how society has created a scenario where every illness is acceptable except for the one that deals with our most precious and vital  working part. If we lose our brains we lose everything. I get it, because I feel it. It is a real stigma and chances are at one time or another in your life you have said or reacted in a way that added to this stigma.  That is the tragedy of it.

While it's true that medication can be a temporary thing and does not have to be a life sentence, any change in dosage or phasing out of it should be done under the care of your doctor and with lots of help and support from those around you. It is not a luxury, it is a necessity.

I have tried to be braver in my conversations about my mental illness. I have started telling people how I treat it, talking about it more, and sharing my experiences with a little more courage.  I'll admit, I have contributed to this stigma most my life through my fear to speak up and speak out.  As long as those who deal with mental illness are ashamed of it, and those who don't deal with mental illness give them reasons to be ashamed, our society will continue to see the rise in suicide and other erratic behaviors.  I just happen to believe we are all to caring and all to connected to let that happen.

Young Women Lesson- Your Happily Ever After

www.ldsprintables.com

This lesson is a great one, one that I feel our Young Women (and grown women, for that matter) really can't get enough of.  I started with the talk "Your Happily Ever After" by Elder Uchtdorf. I decided to print one up for each of the girls, if time permitted we would read various paragraphs from it, letting the girls then discuss each section.  Please go HERE on LDS.org for the talk in it's entire form. If you want to print it you can also do that right from the page there.  I decided to cut and copy the talk, adding clip art to the title.

Discussion topics from the talk: (list their answers on the board, letting the girls see each others responses and giving them time to expound on one another's input)

What are some of the trials you are currently having to face? 

What things require patience to endure at this time in your life? 

What are things you can use to stay true to your divine destiny and remember who you are?

What gospel truths have helped you in your journey?

Our group was particularly interested in this lesson- and I was able to get a copy of the book that was made of this wonderful talk, so I had highlighted a few passages that I wanted to read.  

I found the girls to really enjoy the story of Elder Uchtdorf winning over his wife's affection during their early courtship, and the book has some photos that helped make the story more personal and real.  You can order the book from Deseret Book.   

 By the time I read the passages chosen to fit my class needs and we answered the questions above, we were out of time.  I added of course my journey of finding and working for my "Happily Ever After" (emphasizing of course, this is a life long journey. As long as we are alive we will be tested and swing back and forth between joys and sorrows). 

 I wanted to make 'wedding mints' (the melted chocolates in the temple molds) but wasn't able to get the supplies in time. Instead, I went with "Temple" and heart sugar cookies, which were a hit. The girls walked away with the following:

You can get this cookie cutter HERE from Ldsbookstore.com.  Also, click HERE for my foolproof and favorite sugar cookie recipe. Trust me...... yum.  

We could have spent more time on this, making it an option for a New Beginnings or Girls Camp class if you are looking for ideas for that as well. I hope these resources help you put together a presentation you are happy with as we reach out to these girls, one lesson at a time. 

temple silhouette if desired  for talk header, matching cookie shape

Why You Didn't Know Your Friend Was Depressed

Most of us have had it happen....the conversation that reveals someone we know, possibly love even, battles depression and we didn't know it.  We think to ourselves...."but they seem so happy!" or ...."they are so fun to be around!"  and the news doesn't compute with what we know of that person.  I have chosen these statements because they are statements that have been said to me, when I was finally brave enough to tell someone that I have struggled with clinical depression for most of my life. I have even been surprised by the number of people I know who fight a similar battle, and I never would have guessed.  Here are a few reasons why the revelation of clinical depression takes us by surprise, as I have experienced in my life.

1-) Episodes of depression come and go.
I have gone as long as 2 years without serious bouts of depression hitting me.  I was naive enough (hopeful, maybe?) to believe I had been cured.  But it returned when I least expected it.  Most of my life has been a roller coaster of 'emotional times' and 'stable times', and when I was younger I just told myself I was a 'sensitive' person.  It wasn't until a doctor pushed for more information and I researched on my own that I realized I had all the major signs and symptoms of depression and had battled with them most of my life. So yes, it does come and go, and if you catch me on an "up" there would be no reason to suspect I could have ever had a brush with mental illness.  As I have matured I have also realized there are definite triggers, and the response to them is very real and very dramatic, but outside of that there is little reason to discuss my illness.

2-) Depression mimics (although it is in an unhealthy amount) normal emotions. 
Let me speak plainly.....if you do not suffer from clinical depression, you will have a hard time relating the reality being experienced by someone who does.  A crying fit to you may be the sign of a bad day, to someone with depression it may be the explosion that is expressing complete worthlessness and despair.  Retreating to your room in frustration to you may be a way to cool down, to someone with depression it may the start of withdrawal that begins an emotional downward spiral. Declining a social invitation for you may mean you need some quiet time....to the person with depression, it is a way to avoid contact and remain in the darkness being experienced.  You are seeing the tip of the iceberg in the depressed person, and you have no idea there is mass hiding below the waters because for you there never has been the bitterness of cold, frigid ice. Trust them when they try to tell you they feel depressed.

3-) They are living functioning and contributing lives.
Again with the iceberg analogy...... you see the tip of the life they present.  Sure, you may see the warning signs you have read so diligently about, like weight changes or withdrawal, but for the most part the times in my life when I have been most depressed I have also still functioned well.  I have showered, curled my hair, ran my kids from place to place, even lunched and laughed with my friends.  I can't say why I don't usually completely shut down, I just never did.  I don't know if I function out of habit or out of hope, but I do.  I rarely wallowed in my filth and let my life fall apart.  As a matter of fact, when my real battles with depression and death idealizing began I was in school, an honor student, singing the theme song for prom and cheering at the school basketball game.  But the clouds still rolled in and I didn't want anyone to know. So I lived and suffered mostly in private.

4-) The person you know with depression doesn't want you to know they have it.
Depression is extremely easy to downplay.  A quick little "that was a rough time for me..." or "I am struggling with that" is usually all I have to tell someone who is checking up on me after an emotional battle.  People are understanding when it comes to struggles.  What they don't understand, however, is real depression.  Telling someone you are struggling with serious doubts about the worth of your own life, or if you have the strength to face one more day, is a huge risk.  Not all are created equal when it comes to this news.  I have lost a friend or two who I knew just couldn't face the storms with me. And I don't blame them, it's not fun, and it's not easy.  It's even harder if you weren't aware of the problem (see opening paragraph), thus, we learn to hide it.  It's safer that way (not in reality, but we see safety in hiding) so we pick and choose very carefully who we tell, if we tell anyone at all.  In my experience, even upon the telling of our illness we will downplay it.  We desperately want to avoid the stigma, we want to be normal and we desperately want to be helped.  We just don't dare say those things out loud.

Because of the perceived risk in revealing this news, too many people suffer in silence.  Too many pull themselves together to face the world, but alone at home they crumble in shame, guilt, and agonizing pain.  The pain is the worst part of it, and while feeling it you are sure this is the only way you have felt and the only way you will ever feel again.  That is why ending the charade is so important.  As I have become more open about my illness, with my husband, my doctors, my church friends and even my siblings, it is easier to win the battles.  The storms still roll in, but I have many willing hands ready to hold an umbrella for me until it passes.  That is why if you find out someone you know and love has depression your reaction will make a difference, and it is why if you are struggling with mental illness you must take down your mask.

 When we work together, we can win these fights.

Please note, I am not a doctor and this is not medical advice.
I just want to share experiences that may help you relate and support someone you know.
  Please reach out (even anonymously) if you are struggling with thoughts of self-harm, or keep this number for someone you know.

Suicide Prevention line 1-800-273-8255
or text the word "go" to 741-741

Real Life Depression

I have had a little voice nagging me lately to share some of my personal thoughts about depression.  I have light-heartedly referred to it in the past, and most of those close to me have heard me discuss it, but I have never really publicly opened up about the struggle I have had off and on throughout most of my adult life with depression.

Just over a month ago someone close to one of my children committed suicide.  We cried. We talked about it. We went to the funeral...... and the years I have spent drifting above the spell of depression started to come to a screeching halt as that experience rocked my world.  It seemed ridiculous that it would trigger such a response, but it did.  Now that the clouds have somewhat lifted from that fall (although I cried about that funeral and that dear teenager who is now gone this very morning) the nagging is back.
You need to share this. 
So here is some sharing.

I am a survivor of depression.  This is what it looked like for me:
crying spells that lasted for days - thinking about death and imagining floating above my own funeral - thinking of all the ways I was a bad person - thinking about my shortcomings, my fights with people, my weight, my looks, my failures as a mother - attempting on several occasions suicide (although never successful and in retrospect I see these more as expressions but not true attempts) - telling myself and people around me things would be better if I was gone - losing energy to get dressed or get up - and more....
 in the midst of all of this I acted fairly normal around others.

In the midst of all of this I also stayed spiritual and consider myself to be pretty devout in my religion.

This is the strange thing..... it wasn't a lack of faith that triggered these episodes, which occurred on and off for over 20 years.  I have faith. I love my Savior and Heavenly Father.  But depression is different than that- it is like the riptide current of a beautiful ocean- just waiting for you to wade in too deeply and so it can pull you under.  It is sneaky and it is constant and you can not just shake it off.  I validate and understand this about the disease.  HOWEVER there are things you can do to fight the riptides depression.

For me, a year and a half on medication did wonders.  It took two tries to find one that worked well, but the right one was what I needed for a particular battle I was having a hard time overcoming. After some time on it, I lived off it again, and then after a relapse I got back on. It can be a lifesaver, so pay attention if you think you need that help. Whether or not you are on medication the following things also helped me cope and endure my hard falls with depression.

1-) Realize hard times and sad thoughts are NORMAL and they are part of life.   Here's the reality- life is fair in that it is unfair to everyone.  The self talking that says your struggles are harder than other people's struggles is just a lie.  Life is supposed to be hard- it is a wonderful, brilliant learning ground for our souls, and would be ineffective if everything came easy. Stop telling yourself that your life is harder than anyone else's!   A better thought -
" this is a struggle for me right now.  I acknowledge it is hard, and that is okay."
Acceptance is a huge part of the journey. Resistance adds to the pain you are experiencing.  You hurt. You are disappointed.  You have had awful things happen. Welcome to life. Beauty is just around the corner....I promise.

2-) Escape into an uplifting and healthy activity.    There is a need to do things that make your heart sing and your soul happy.  Find those things, or if you used to have hobbies revisit them.  Spirituality is a big one for me, attending my church services and temple worship, plus home study of scriptures and gospel topics.  Art is another one- playing in paint and expressing myself on paper.  I also am an avid reader, a part-time (slow) runner, and letter writer.  All of these are good activities and many of them connect me with other people. Be wise and disciplined here.... video gaming alone (or on your phone), marathon Netflix watching and sad movie watching is not going to be uplifting or healthy.  Cutting, drug use, or alcohol use may feel like an escape, but these things are addicting and incredibly dangerous.  You want to heal, not get worse. The point is to do something that helps you celebrate life and makes you happy. I am sure we could talk about endorphins here, but really.....if it works the science behind it is just a side note.  Find something good to do and do it!

3-) Trust in God's timing.   I was a happy child.  Depression struck me smack dab alongside puberty.  Around 40 some issues in our family hit, and while dealing with those my depression literally subsided.  I am not going to go into details here, but suffice it to say some very spiritual experiences and sacred moments seemed to wash me, as they can you, and the obsession with death was completely taken out of my thinking patterns, almost 30 years after they were planted there.  Recently it has snuck back into my life, and I have had to be honest that this is an illness that most likely will come and go throughout my walk on earth.  I don't understand this and I can't give you a formula for success, but I can tell you this- one day all of us will be healed from our afflictions.  Peace will be more abundant if you are open, patient, and trusting in the will and timing of our God.  His timing is one of the hardest things for us to surrender to, but His timing is perfect.

In my journals I often reflect on 'highlights' of the past week or month.  While individual trials seem hard and certain days feel long, I am amazed by the sweetness of life.  When I take time to write down the magical, simple, and happy  moments I have had I am just overcome with the gratitude of a full life, a real life, and the chance I have to experience it.  I do this often now, and it instantly fills my heart with joy and makes me feel a little closer to heaven.

I hope something I have written speaks to someone out there.  I have no idea who you are, where you are, or how you are even coming to this blog- but it is for a reason.

God is aware of you.
Everything is going to be okay.
Keep fighting and never, ever, ever give up.

go here for inspiring thoughts and insight
Sitting on the Bench - thoughts on suicide prevention
Hear LDS leader Jeffrey Holland speak with power and truth about depression HERE
Suicide prevention - go here to chat, read, or call someone for help

Be Amazed - Stay Amazed

Last night I was dropping my son off at football practice- just doing what we always do when the fall hits

my baby boy- enjoying a football game break

After dropping him off I turned a corner in my neighborhood on the windy streets that kids love to play on.  Another football player, excited to be driving the family ATV barreled around the corner.
He was going to fast to see me, and I couldn't see him at all in the blind spot of my mini-van (dang, those thing have some huge A-pillars, right moms???)

Somehow, we missed each other.  It took me so much surprise that I didn't feel the THUNK of a 4-Wheeler in my side door that turned around to see the road where we passed.  I have no idea how we did it.

When I got home I told my husband "Man, I am so lucky! You wouldn't believe how close I came to taking out an 8th grader!"

Well this morning, as I was soaking in my bubble bath (which has become my private sermon time) I clicked on the following link from Joyce Meyer.

Living Amazed- Joyce Meyer

 (trust me- save the link and watch it later)


This spitfire of a woman preaches from the Bible in a non-denomination style that begs to be heard, felt, and practiced.   I found on her T.V.  months ago when I couldn't sleep one night, and I have been hooked ever since. I love to hear her fearlessly preach and watch her show a couple times a week.

In the Being Amazed lecture she talks about this very thing that I did. How we we get so used to God that we are no longer amazed at his miracles.  The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints uses a phrase which I love dearly..... "tender mercies".

I am sad to say I do not always sit amazed at God's hand in my everyday life, although I do it more now than I have in the past.  I mean, I have had miracles affect me in as big of things as the horrible accident our family went through, right down to the smaller mercy finding a backpack while school shopping when I absolutely was at the end of my rope.  I have had them in answered prayers in spiritual matters, far too personal for me to write here, to unexpected cash discounts that blessed us a little further....

I don't want to be guilty of taking God's goodness and merciful gifts for granted.

In this sermon Joyce also shows a box of journals she has.  This is dear to my heart because I always have a journal, a church notebook, and a scripture journal that I am working on.  I too, have my bin of remembrances.  She talks about writing down your prayers and desires of your heart.

This concept really hit home for me when I read (the ever life-changing) Remembering Wholeness, by Carol Tuttle.

This was a new way for me to use positive thinking, faith, and amazement and joy to attract more tender mercies.  Carol suggests you write your list every morning. I call mine my 'angel wish list' and while I don't do it every day, I do it A LOT.

My Angel List front cover

a morning's prayer and thoughts

I remember being nervous because I had returned a running jacket in the mail, and it was very expensive, and I hadn't heard anything about it, and was long over-due for it's return.  I was starting to feel anxious, so I asked for help this morning. I believe the jacket showed up the next day. I was also pleading for help in my work that day as I interacted with my clients, and for ease in our re-finance of our home loan (which later closed without a hitch, no closing costs, and very little effort on our part- it was AMAZING).  So, you see, I think, and I live on this belief, that God does care about the little things- those little things become big things without his guiding hand.  We aren't meant to live in anxiety, fear, or a stressed out state.  Write it down- and GIVE IT AWAY!

I even have a "master list" of my hearts desires- these are the biggies.  I have wished about Girls' Camp, going on a cruise, traveling to London, and getting a 'break' that would allow us to landscape our yard.
Guess what...check, check, check and check...all done.

So today I am telling you to first have the faith to ask, then stay in faith and be amazed.
The video link I posted is long- watch it while you do your dishes or fold laundry.  (or soak in the tub) She says it much better than I can.

Write down your hearts desires, remember to record your tender mercies, then sit back and prepare to be astonished.
If it's been a while since you have been blown away by goodness re-read your victories of the past.

Don't forget to be amazed.  The reasons are all around.

And, for the record, I am grateful for a safe journey home yesterday...both for me, and for that sweet boy on the street. It was not luck.
God is good.

Seeking Divine Intervention

On Mother's Day my grandma passed away. She earned her spot in heaven, mind you, living 91 years of a full and inspirational life.  Her death has left me really pondering this life and the next, how the two are intertwined, and the plans God has for each of us.

Not too long ago I heard an excellent talk by John L. Lund, who I have been a fan of for years, but this hit a particular nerve for me. (Maybe due to miracles I have seen).  After sharing this with several close friends in need,  today I felt the urge to share these ideas on my blog.

 I hope they help someone out there. If it's you, God bless.....if not, pass them on to someone who might benefit.

There will be times in your life where you need the hand of God to move you forward.  We all have those times, and life was designed to push you to your limits and cause you to grow, but it isn't always easy.  Dr. Lund teaches 5 principles of divine intervention- how God intervenes in our journey. (these are from the class series "How to Hug a Teenage Porcupine")

1- The Lord will soften your heart, or the heart of another- this may cause a change in behavior or life choices, or a softening on your side to no longer be burdened

2- The Lord will give you strength- this is a noticable, definite gift of strength beyond your own, blessing you with resolve to continure through your trial in faith

3- The Lord raises someone else to do what you can not.  Another person enters the situation, your life, or the life of another, and does what you are unable to do.  Their presence in your life brings about the changes needed and they can offer the help you seek

4- You undergo an Exodus- you are (or the person in need is)  being led on or you are led away, perhaps a new location, relationship, or job. It can come in many ways, but it leads you out of the trial that binds you into your present state

5- The Lord removes the problem - the issue is resolved or suddenly removed, often in a merciful and miraculous way

I was touched by these concepts the moment I heard them.  Not only do they help me know how to pray for help and guidance (as you can see possibilities are often beyond our own vision) but I have also been able to reflect back over my life and see how many times divine intervention has blessed me.  It can happen again and again for all of us. Recognizing this gift can strengthen your faith for future trials, and giving thanks for past help can bring about a great positive shift in thinking as you gain more confidence  in the Lord.

A few things to remember as you seek divine intervention;
Sanctify your life.  Kick out the obvious harsh stuff....I know God loves you no matter what, but it gets hard to pick up the signal he sends if we aren't tuned in properly.  Clean up the things that make it hard for you to hear God in your life. Bad temper?  Too much drinking? Reading or watching things that aren't uplifting? You get the idea...these things make it hard for us to see the angelic hands in our lives.
Pray.  Just pray. Talk out loud to God and dump it out...he is waiting to hear it (he knows it all anyway!) so get real and let your heart speak and break before him.  If you feel your prayer needs some extra voltage, then fast. Skip a meal or two (or 3) and go somewhere where you can talk to God alone, out loud.  I am what most people would call a 'religious' person, but that is only because I adore my religion as it teaches me how to get closer to God.  This is what prayer does, this is what fasting does.  Especially when you do it right.  Push your physical a bit so you can rely on your spiritual self.  It can be life changing.
Be patient.  God is orchestrating a symphony, not a solo, in which you are a beloved instrument.  Give him time to work out all the parts, and he will come through for you. That I promise. (for more on this concept I recommend the book The Shack by Paul Young....it will uplift you and open your eyes to the wonders of God in the midst of trials, in a very simple story that has some powerful concepts, it is not doctrinal, but very interesting)

The trick is to remain in the beautiful place that only the faithful can be in.  A place of peace in the midst of troubles.  A place of stillness in the middle of storms.  For me, it means repeating scripture or hymns when negative thoughts choke me, and it works.




my shepherd will supply my need

The above collage I made for a friend who recently lost a child after an ugly adoption battle that she had taken home from the hospital and raised as her own for almost two years.  She struggles daily, yet still remains faithful and humble in her trial.  She is an incredible example to me of how to truly rely on the Lord when our strength is spent.

 If she can do it... so can you.

May you be blessed this Sunday and allow God's hand to direct your life.

Life is good.... God is better

Religious Print Redo

I had an empty wall above my piano that I recently filled and have enjoyed the result...

Last year we had the privilage of viewing many of Carl Heinrich Bloch's religious works at a local university.

The paintings were all stunning, and  I have had this framed print for some years.

My dad found it at a yard sale and bought it, and I was able to buy it off of him.

( he tends to get a little overstocked from yard sales and second hand stores)

It came in a gold frame, which has never done much for me.

I covered the glass (it looked complicated to pull it all apart, so I took the lazy way out)

and then I just used acrylic paint on the frame.

I really liked the sort of scratchy look that I got with one coat, so I left it at that.

It did take some dabbing and work to get the paint into the etched designs on the frame's edge,

 but it was easy and the paint dried quick.

The frame was dry and ready to hang in about 30 minutes.

After passing an empty wall for months in our new house I am actually pretty happy to have a little

new spot that feels like home.

And the vinyl wall phrase as a constant reminder isn't bad either.....

may you be inspired to

create a space today

Random Catch Up

Life is kind of like this in the summer-

I move from one moment to the next and hardly have time to stop and reflect

So, welcome to my random catch up.

I am so in love with the 4th of July,

I really can't say it enough

This year it was all about the food, the folks, and the photography.

A day trip to the "Twilight Zone" (Forks and La Push, Wa)

ended up being a surprise highlight of our trip.

All the men involved were much obliging to my silly photos and squealing. I am not above enjoying a completely pointless book on occasion.

And stomping on the stomping grounds was a fun indulgence.

(When is the next movie out, anyway?)

My niece's wedding gave me a chance to extend my vacation,

and spend some real downtime (16 days!) with my family.

Everything was fairy tale perfect, from the bride and groom, to the candle lit tables,

and all the pretty pinks.

Can I just say....I LOVE WEDDINGS!

On that note, I must simply say how precious my religion is to me at this moment in time.

Not only because of the beautiful weddings and belief

in families being together, as a unit, in the next life, but also because

of the precious gift of freedom and agency.

I feel the world would be a better place if people believed in a higher purpose and a higher power, and lived accordingly.

To love something on the level that most religious people do only means one thing;

it makes sense to share it with others.

For my church, that means two years of service.

What a day it was when my nephew came home from his two tough years in Paraguay.

Our family went from screaming, to crying, and back again,

as he came through that lobby.

It is great to have him back, but he is going through withdraws of not serving others and being back in the 'real world'.

One cool thing that impressed me while waiting there was the applause that spread through the airport as a service man or woman came off the flight.

I think when our eyes are open we see more than enough around us

to know we are blessed

to know we are loved

and to know these gifts must be defended with all our hearts.

Easter Inspiration for the Creative

To all the women I follow who create lovely rooms, yards, tags, collages, clothing, jewelry and beautiful lives around me : this gift of truly sacred words I pass along to you

Sit for 2 minutes and celebrate with me our ability to create

I am overwhelmed by the beautiful things I see

that speak to me and revive me.

And for the power to create

I am ever grateful

Happy Easter

(photos: room by Weheartthis.com and Fearless by Papaya Art)

Silly Things

by Curly Girl Designs

"It just seems silly to me, that's all "

This is my husbands response to a girl's over night book club.

I have the best book club, with the best ladies, and we have the best talks. We hit Park City for mexican food (my favorite), lots of chocolate, lots of shopping, and endless talking. I am not kidding, we stayed up until 2am. We discussed our books, we discussed our lives, we discussed religion. I am inspired by the determined and caring women I know.

Even though a man may not have the need for a night away to feel recharged, every single one of us women relished it. On the way home my mom and I stopped into a local little shop called Cherry Lane that we both had been dying to see. (We were probably always with our husbands so we figured we would go later).

It was eye candy and feminine dreaminess of the highest degree.

Wall to wall filled with frills, sparkles, handbags, scents, and more to fill your silly girl dreams up to the brim. My mom bought a gorgeous pink handbag.

Fans of vintage inspired, shabby chic sweet, beauty supplies and stationary will not be disappointed by this little shop. I grabbed a tote (to replace my grubby one that tends to be my favorite) and a few cards, including the Curly Girl one above that hit ironically close to home for me.

If you are in the area for Conference, graduation, skiing- whatever- and you are near Provo this is a little shop you might not want to miss.

As much as I love to escape for a day or two, all it takes is stepping into the house to be reminded my duties await. I have to just get back to work and be grateful for the time I had with the girls.

Before bed I snuck in a little more girliness.

Me and my mermaid soak in bubbles to soothe our sleepless night woes away. Did I mention I love my new giant tub?

Anyway..... I am glad I can believe in what may be silly to another

if you don't want to see me be silly

close your eyes

I hope you dance

I don't have a little girl to dress up and dance with....but today I got to sneak backstage and share a few moments with my sister and my darling niece at a local dance competition.

My neice is a natural cutie on stage

and equally gorgeous off

Having a camera to play with kept me plenty busy-

I couldn't resist this competing group and their dramatic make-up and eye popping colors.

Wade Robison would have been proud

There is something seriously dreamy about little limbs climbing into fluffy tulle and

sparkles

I really enjoyed my morning with my beautiful niece and her mom who works so hard to let her daughter live out her dream with moments on stage....

I think we all should dance a little every day

Family Festivities

I am one of those gooey, sappy, holiday enthusiasts. I love it. I love the lights. I love the music. I love the fact that my kids still count down the days with me.

Love Love Love

Holiday around the house...

tags made for tag exchange

my outdoor nativity (proud moment: buying a spotlight to light this up at night)

my nativity I bought the first year I was married

a cry for Santa's attention on our porch

a few pictures and nativity made by sweet grandma

Family moments

favorite cookies for dipping and munching (so good....trust me..but very hard to find)

collection of Santas abound

reminder to Believe

boys enjoying a quick snow fall

a tree light up, chirping, calling for Christmas to come

Let me explain: my parents had an electric ornament that chirped like a bird when you plugged it in. When lights went on, the bird began singing. I remember visitors perplexed , trying to find it in the tree. After growing up with the Christmas bird I have missed it in my own home. Although it could be annoying...it was part of Christmas. Last year I bought one, and we hooked it up. It was MUCH LOUDER than my parent's bird...but after figuring out how to open it and cover the speaker this year it is just right. It chirps whenever the lights are on. It makes me feel giddy all over again. I love my annoying bird.

My son performing with the choir. (the handsome guy looking at the camera above the mic)

Makes me cry every time.

I love that he sings unafraid, praises to Christ and songs from the Messiah

so excuse me for loving Christmas and feeling sorry for Hum Bugs.

I have reasons to rejoice...

don't we all?